The past few months have been quite challenging for me. A few things have been getting on top of me such as my weight, my mothering skills and a job. Even though it has put me down before too, it's just these past few months people have been having a little bit of a problem with me saying I work from home and people commenting on my weight when I am struggling.
My Blog is somewhere I can write about anything. There are people out there who probably judge but at the end of the day I do something that I love. I shouldn't really care what people say but how can I just forget it when it's something I've worked so hard on. Not long ago I had a comment on a blog post of mine, apparently giving me advise but to me it felt like they were downgrading me and they made me feel very small. How can someone make you feel so small about your blog? Well, if they judge you on grammar and spelling mistakes when you struggle with them on a daily basis then yes you can feel very small. I was very close to quit my blog all together but then I thought, why should I? My spelling is rubbish and I do use spell check a lot. Sometimes I type a word in and spell check says its wrong, it then corrects it and I am sometimes still certain that the way I spelt it was correct but obviously it wasn't.
My grammar hasn't always been great either. You have probably seen a lot of mistakes on my blog. I apologize for that but I do try my best. Some or most of my sentences probably don't make sense either. Again I apologize for that. I have never been good at explaining things to people but yet again, I try my best. I am going to carry on writing my blog. I enjoy doing it, reading other blogs and working with great companies.
My weight was a big issue when I was younger. I was bullied really badly over my weight. I was called names for years up until I lost all the weight then people started being nice to me. Why did my weight change peoples views about me? Why were people nicer to me, just because I was thinner? It still doesn't make sense.
I went out not long ago. My first night out since August last year. It took me 2 hours to get ready. Those two hours included tears, tantrums and clothes thrown all over the bedroom. I felt so disgusted in myself that I had gained a stone since coming home from Thailand and most of my clothes didn't fit me right anymore. Why did I let myself get to that point? I felt sick. I finally went out. Me and a friend went to the pub, we had a good time until later on in the night where I ended up arguing with a boy who was very rude to me, so I defended myself. He then thought it was a great idea to put a comment about my weight.
2 Years ago on May Bank holiday I went out for my first ever bank holiday night out. I was really looking forward to it. Again, it was my first night out for a long time. I went with my two friends and the first pub I went to I was called Fat. I had already lost a stone by then, so for someone to still call you fat whilst your in a middle of weight loss journey really does put you down. I thought it would make me stronger but it didn't. I started eating junk all over again for the next few days. The same thing has happened since the other week too. I really need to get my head sorted and get back to my 3 and a half stone loss. I need to do it quick but enjoy it at the same time. At the moment, my head really isn't in it. Why? I really don't know.
Elliw has the tantrums. She has speech problems and is delayed in her speech so it can be very frustrating for us and for herself as we don't know what she says most of the time. She constantly wants food. You would think we never feed her. I do love the 2 hour break I get every morning when she goes to Playschool but I also love spending time with her. Elliw is hard work, much harder than what Mia was when she was at her age. At the end of the day she is worth it.
Mia is growing up too quickly. Her attitude and answering back is getting worse and with Mia I feel I can't do anything right anymore. I buy her new clothes, she won't wear them. I buy her a new coat, she won't like it. I tell/ask her to do something, she won't do it. I know it is a child thing that they don't listen but when it is most of the time and every day it does get exhausting and tiring. I am in the middle of doing a chart of chores. I feel like she wants me to do everything for her and I do see her being so lazy with most things so I am helping her and myself with this chart. A post will be up soon about it. I can't wait too start it. Hopefully it will help all of us.
A note to Mia and Elliw: Mummy really does try her best. Sorry that I am not the best Mummy in the world but I really do try to be. Mummy just finds it really hard to cope with your tantrums, answering back, fights and arguments sometimes. It's never ending some days. Mummy gets really tired when Elliw wakes up most nights around 3am and then wakes up early morning 6.30am. I really do try my best, I promise.