When I first started secondary school in 2003 I was extremely nervous. The class I was in from primary school was pretty small. In fact there was roughly only 8 of us in class in total. I had also realised I was put into a separate registration class to all my other old 'classmates' from primary school. During the months we all made new friends and drifted apart. I kept a good friendship with one girl though and she was one of my best friends all through the school years.
I was bullied badly over my weight. Many used the words 'fat' and I do think that is a nasty word to call someone as it really can put someones confidence down, just like I lost a lot of confidence. About 2 years into secondary school I lost all the weight and I was a healthy 9 stone something girl. Many of the girls who called me fat and took the mick out of me were asking me how I lost the weight and in all honesty. I don't know how I did it. I guess the 'puppy fat'? If you call it that, had gone and hormones maybe. I am not sure. But I was happy.
But loosing the weight didn't stop people being bullies. Every break and lunch times I always used to hang around the same 'group'. The 4 girls I was best friends with was part of that 'group' too but unfortuently, the rest of the group couldn't accept me. Some didn't mind me and were fine but there was this one particular girl, who I won't name but will call her C, was a big bully. At the time I didn't think I was being bullied as such but when I look back I think to myself, why did I take it? I did nothing wrong to her, absolutely nothing. She called me names every single day nearly. Not very nice names either. She used to take the p*ss out of me most days. If only she knew how I felt.
Another year, if I remember rightly was around the last year of school. I really didn't enjoy. In fact, it was hell. I cried myself to sleep not wanting to go to school the next day. I lied to my Dad. I pretended school was fine when it wasn't. Having people follow you down the corridor when your by yourself calling you all sorts. Having a slap off one. Having a group of people coming at you in a corner, taking the p*ss out of you when you are by yourself is not good. Those people ruined my last year of school. I hated it. I really did hate it. I even had grief off these people out of school when they saw me in town. I am glad that I haven't seen any of these people since I finished school.
One year, I think it was in Year 9 if I remember. I was sitting on a school bench near the Art and History block with my two friends eating a snack on our break. The breaks were only about 15 or 20 minutes if I remember so there wasn't long. A certain girl came up to us and told us to move as they wanted to sit there. I didn't see why me and my friends should move when we got their first and I told her no. Oh how wrong was I. That was when I was beaten up on the school grounds. People watching and no one to stop. I got kicked in the head, stomach, back and punched. I had my hair dragged out and when she finally stopped I just got up and off I went to reception that wasn't far away and I told them what happened. My hair kept falling out. I remember I struggled speaking to the deputy head. Nothing happened to this girl. NOTHING HAPPENED. She wasn't suspended and wasn't warned because they didn't know as they didn't see it. All they had to do was see me and see her. Looked at the difference. Have I ever had an apology from her? No. She actually speaks nice to me now but little does she know how much it has affected me.
There is one last thing that happened to me when I was in school. I think I was in Year 9 or Year 10 if I remember rightly. I was walking down an empty corridor in school and this boy, a year or two older than me came close by and touched me down below near my belt. I felt sick. I lined up for my R.E lesson and sat down. I didn't concentrate much in that lesson. It doesn't sound bad and doesn't sound serious but to me I felt hurt. He did get suspended. I never told my Dad any of this and only one or two people know about this. Someone else had done a similar thing the following 2 years, but out of school.
I am scared that my girls are going experience a bad time through secondary school. I want my girls to tell me if something is bothering or has bothered them. I am petrified for when that time comes. Mia is already in Year 1 and all I can think about is she is getting closer and closer to start Secondary school and so is Elliw. I am petrified if they are going to be victims of a beating or bullying. It really does petrify me. I want them to enjoy school, have good decent trustworthy friends.