Why I Don't Want My Girls Going To Secondary School

 
Ok - maybe it's not the fact that I don't want them to go to big school, it's the fact that I am so worried and nervous that they are going to have the same experience as me. Secondary school for me wasn't all that great. I had some good times and I had some pretty bad times too. Don't get me wrong though, I did had 4 particular friends who I was best friends with but sadly drifted apart when I went to different college and then had Mia.

When I first started secondary school in 2003 I was extremely nervous. The class I was in from primary school was pretty small. In fact there was roughly only 8 of us in class in total. I had also realised I was put into a separate registration class to all my other old 'classmates' from primary school. During the months we all made new friends and drifted apart. I kept a good friendship with one girl though and she was one of my best friends all through the school years.

I was bullied badly over my weight. Many used the words 'fat' and I do think that is a nasty word to call someone as it really can put someones confidence down, just like I lost a lot of confidence. About 2 years into secondary school I lost all the weight and I was a healthy 9 stone something girl. Many of the girls who called me fat and took the mick out of me were asking me how I lost the weight and in all honesty. I don't know how I did it. I guess the 'puppy fat'? If you call it that, had gone and hormones maybe. I am not sure. But I was happy.

But loosing the weight didn't stop people being bullies. Every break and lunch times I always used to hang around the same 'group'. The 4 girls I was best friends with was part of that 'group' too but unfortuently, the rest of the group couldn't accept me. Some didn't mind me and were fine but there was this one particular girl, who I won't name but will call her C, was a big bully. At the time I didn't think I was being bullied as such but when I look back I think to myself, why did I take it? I did nothing wrong to her, absolutely nothing. She called me names every single day nearly. Not very nice names either. She used to take the p*ss out of me most days. If only she knew how I felt.

Another year, if I remember rightly was around the last year of school. I really didn't enjoy. In fact, it was hell. I cried myself to sleep not wanting to go to school the next day. I lied to my Dad. I pretended school was fine when it wasn't. Having people follow you down the corridor when your by yourself calling you all sorts. Having a slap off one. Having a group of people coming at you in a corner, taking the p*ss out of you when you are by yourself is not good. Those people ruined my last year of school. I hated it. I really did hate it. I even had grief off these people out of school when they saw me in town. I am glad that I haven't seen any of these people since I finished school.

One year, I think it was in Year 9 if I remember. I was sitting on a school bench near the Art and History block with my two friends eating a snack on our break. The breaks were only about 15 or 20 minutes if I remember so there wasn't long. A certain girl came up to us and told us to move as they wanted to sit there. I didn't see why me and my friends should move when we got their first and I told her no. Oh how wrong was I. That was when I was beaten up on the school grounds. People watching and no one to stop. I got kicked in the head, stomach, back and punched. I had my hair dragged out and when she finally stopped I just got up and off I went to reception that wasn't far away and I told them what happened. My hair kept falling out. I remember I struggled speaking to the deputy head. Nothing happened to this girl. NOTHING HAPPENED. She wasn't suspended and wasn't warned because they didn't know as they didn't see it. All they had to do was see me and see her. Looked at the difference. Have I ever had an apology from her? No. She actually speaks nice to me now but little does she know how much it has affected me.

There is one last thing that happened to me when I was in school. I think I was in Year 9 or Year 10 if I remember rightly. I was walking down an empty corridor in school and this boy, a year or two older than me came close by and touched me down below near my belt. I felt sick. I lined up for my R.E lesson and sat down. I didn't concentrate much in that lesson. It doesn't sound bad and doesn't sound serious but to me I felt hurt. He did get suspended. I never told my Dad any of this and only one or two people know about this. Someone else had done a similar thing the following 2 years, but out of school.

I am scared that my girls are going experience a bad time through secondary school. I want my girls to tell me if something is bothering or has bothered them. I am petrified for when that time comes. Mia is already in Year 1 and all I can think about is she is getting closer and closer to start Secondary school and so is Elliw. I am petrified if they are going to be victims of a beating or bullying. It really does petrify me. I want them to enjoy school, have good decent trustworthy friends.

36 comments

  1. I'm so sorry you had these experiences. They sound so awful, I only hope they helped make you a stronger person. I think you will be the perfect mum to support your girls through secondary school, I think you'll be really aware and spot any warning signs really early #MarvMondays

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  2. Oh Beth, I am so sorry this happened to you, it sounds awful. I can not believe the school didn't suspend that girl after what she did to you, I think she should have been expelled. Try not to worry about your girls, I think your experiences will help you be an excellent and supportive Mum during their high school years and as it is something you went through you will be more aware of any signs that they may be being bullied. Your girls are still young, try not to stress too much now. You could ask high schools about their bullying policies and procedures for dealing with incidents before you send your girls to high school, find one you are confident will protect and support your girls if they do (hopefully not) go through what you did. xx #fartglitter

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  3. Im so sorry you had such a horrible experience at secondary school... Kids can be so so mean, its awful that they actually think its ok to behave that way to another human being ... You do wonder if their parents even cared. I hope your girls time at secondary will be a much lighter and nicer experience. Im definitely worried for sure, my boy will be in the juniors in sept.

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  4. I feel your pain, I am terrified of Sec. school for my kids, especially my daughter. I was tortured through school, some by bullies, some by supposed friends, there were good days but as a whole it was awful.
    I think all we can do is not push our experience onto our chilren and make sure they understand to come to us with everything, hopefully we will teach them to be stronger xx

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  5. I didn't have a good time at secondary school, and last September my daughter started secondary school, I felt so sick especially as it was the same school I went too (it has been knocked down and rebuilt and renamed since). She has settled really well, we did have problems with a boy just before christmas and it was dealt with brilliantly, although it wasn't really bullying in a nasty way I think it was more him being a boy and liked her. I hope your girls settle as well as my daughter has you never stop worrying I know I don't but it is totally different now to how it was in my day, and if you are like me you will know your daughters and know if something is wrong and you can deal with it

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  6. Sorry you went through all that, it doesn't sound nice at all. It's horrible to have these worries for your girls but I think all you can do is be there for them and hopefully nothing like that will happen but if it does you take the action with the school to make sure things are done properly. Lots of schools have bullying policies and things in place so maybe look into them before they start or ask the school at an open day what their policy is or if they have much trouble with bullying x

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  7. I really hate hearing about bullying in schools. I'm so sorry you suffered with this. I was also bullied for a short period of time, by a group of girls who didn't know me, they were just threatened by me. I was lucky to have an older brother at school who 'sorted them out' for me. I've always been a confident person but bullying really can change you and drag you down. I totally understand why you feel the way you do about the girls, all you can do it teach them to stand up for themselves and not to be afraid to tell teachers etc if they are being bullied. xx

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  8. I'm so sorry you went through that. It sounds awful. I too was bullied all throughout school and I hated it. I'm terrified for when my kids go to secondary school. My eldest has epilepsy & high functioning autism and I worry that people will tease him because of it. Thank you for being honest with your feelings :) #MarvMondays

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  9. My daughter has started secondary school and seems to have settled in well. My experiences of secondary school weren't that great either, but not all experiences are universal thank goodness! What happened to me isn't necessarily going to happen to her. We keep a close eye on the things I had issues with - bullying, learning support etc - but so far the school has said and done all the right stuff. I hope you have the same experience as we did and find the right school for your children

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  10. I'm so sorry to hear about your bad experiences at school. I had the name calling as well. It's awful! I think things have changed a bit now and that bullying is being cracked down on more. But I can see why you're scared and if I'm honest, I'm also scared for my girls as well. x

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  11. I am so sorry to hear you had such an experience at school- I have to admit I often wonder what I would do if I had kids when it came to schooling I had an awful time as well and part of me thinks if I could I would home school. x

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  12. I am sorry school was so terrible for you. Kids can be so mean. Sometimes they just do it to 'fit in'. But the trauma it causes to the person on the receiving end can last a lifetime.

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  13. I am sorry to hear you had bad experiences. All you can do is make sure that your children have high self-esteem. To know that it is the bully with the problem.

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  14. I am so sorry that you have been through so much hun, I hope that your children don't suffer like you did. I was bullied too and it is a fate that I wish I could stop anyone from going through xx

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  15. Sorry you had those terrible experiences, I hope your children don't have to suffer the way you did, bullying is horrible :(
    Just ensure they have high self-esteem and hopefully they will be okay.

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  16. Oh my goodness - this is horrendous, I am so sorry. this is also my biggest fear for my children. I literally touch wood when I say that I am thankful they have been / are ok in secondary school. Kaz x

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  17. I'm sorry to read your experience of secondary school. I was bullied too. I moved to a "better" school by my mum but it was a downward spiral of days, weeks, months of just... Me losing myself more and more.. My confidence shot down and if I'm honest never really recovered so I can understand your worry.
    Especially nowadays... The youth today seem so much more... Scary than when I was that age. Any authority that we feared at that age has been taken away- parents are limited on discipline, teachers are limited, the words "I'll sue" are threatened and feared... you hear of kids tempers and the things they carry around that can damage someone... And it's scary....
    But I know there must be the other side. It's where your social skills are learnt, close life friends can be made...
    Have you looked into alternatives? Or checked out schools with bullying policies etc. I know they're young but maybe homework time for you could start to try putting your mind at ease?
    I'm sorry you had to go thru it. I know what you mean about the bully not even thinking about how they affected you... I can't understand how they can't see... Was like that with me too..

    And as much as you want to protect them... Wrap them too tightly and it could make it worse... It's a tough one. You're in my thoughts xxx
    Claire
    Xx

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  18. It's sad that bullying happen as often as it does. Bullying is horrible. I hope your children don't suffer like you did.

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  19. These sound like really tough experiences and I can completely see where you're coming from - it must worry you a lot that your children might go through something similar. It's sad but there are bullies everywhere who will pick up on anything, regardless of how perfect or imperfect someone is xx

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  20. I worry about my daughter going to high school too and I'd love to home school her in the future when she is older if get well enough. I know I could do it as a teacher. I totally get your reasons and am sorry your high school experience was not good.

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  21. I was bullied badly at secondary school and I too had worries when my own children started there - but my eldest is 17 now so has left school and is in college and I have 2 who are at secondary school but both have amazing friends so I am very lucky

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  22. I had a shaky time in secondary too. I've got my fingers crossed that my tot will cope with it better than I did. I think all kids probably get picked on to a degree but react differently. I took it all very personally. It did prepare me quite well for entering the workforce though as I am better equipped to deal with unpleasant adults now.

    Thanks again for linking up to #fartglitter.

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  23. I'm so sorry you had such a terrible time in High school. It seems that no matter what generation we are in the stuff still continues to happen. I always find girls arw worse than boys. It must be a jealousy thing. All you can do is teach your children to be self confident, happy and how to deal with these types of things if they happen xx

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  24. The education system has changed a lot since we were in high school, so I think things aren't tolerated as much as they might have been back then by teachers, etc. I wouldn't worry - just teach your girls to be strong, independent women who stand up for their values and all will be well. So sorry you had a bad experience yourself. :(

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  25. This makes me angry. Secondary school is when things get serious. Primary school all the kids are so innocent and generally lovely, but secondary school hormones get involved and telly. I too am worried about my eldest going to secondary school because I know this is when others will see her differently (she has learning difficulties)

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  26. I am so sorry you had such a bad time at school. I can totally understand your worries hunnie, but I think given what you went through, you are best placed, should it happen to your two, to help them x

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  27. I am so sorry you were bullied and had a horrible time! My daughter has just started a very small primary school and already I am worried about her adjusting when she goes to a large secondary school. x

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  28. I don't know anyone who had a good time at school. I was bullied for years and as a result had no friends till about year 9. However, it wouldn't stop me from sending my child to a school. Although it wasn't fun, it definitely made me into the strong and fierce woman I am today.

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  29. Awww no wonder you have concerns given your experience. I think that teachers are more tuned into spotting bullying behaviour these days and so hopefully they won't have the same problems you did. It is social media bullying that scares me. xx

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  30. So sorry you had such a bad experience.

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  31. I'm sorry you had such a dreadful experience of secondary school, perhaps your very awareness of how difficult it can be will allow you to spot any problems that might develop when your girls are old enough for secondary school and you can make sure bullying is nipped in the bud.

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  32. It's only natural for you to worry about your girls going to secondary school when you had such traumatic school years. I was bullied all the way through secondary school to the point where I eventually stopped turning up. What you have to remember is that those were YOUR experiences and it doesn't mean that your girls will experience the same things. There's the potential that their school years may be some of the happiest in their life.

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

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  33. I am sorry to hear that you had such a terrible time at school. I know it is hard to see, but those experiences will have made you a stronger and better person. I was bullied terribly at school and even at university too. It does leave you feeling awful and stays with you into adult life. But because you had such a terrible time at school does not mean your girls will. There are so many cruel things in this life that we wish we could protect our children from. But we can't. Unless we lock them in a tower, like Rapunzel. We just have to educate them as well as we can and let them know we love them and that they can always talk to us no matter what. Hugs Lucy xxxx

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  34. It must be scary worrying about your children having a good time at secondary school. I think everyone goes through good and bad times during this time but hey, we wouldn't grow up without it :)

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  35. I, too was bullied through secondary school. Through juniors too, actually. Including the bullies, who lived on my street, standing in my back garden shouting abuse up at me when I was sat crying in the bath. I keep meaning to blog about it-but it's a scary thought to bring it all flooding back, if I'm honest.

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  36. Oh hunny, that is so awful. I cant believe you had such an awful experience at school. I cant believe that children can be allowed to get away with such things. I was genuinely shocked to read some of the things that you experienced, and even more by the fact that in some instances nothing happened to reprimand these children. Its hard because we cant protect our children from everything. But I guess what you can do is talk to your children about bullying etc and help them to feel like they can tell you anything. Hopefully they will both have lovely, happy experiences when they go to secondary school. Either way, you'll be there for them whenever they need you. Emily x #MarvMondays

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