Pre-Natal Depression | My Story

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, Elliw, my pregnancy wasn't all that joyful. In fact, most of my days were spent crying, worrying and being petrified about welcoming a new baby into the world. No one knows how I spent my days behind closed doors during my pregnancy. Some close people know now that I suffered from pre-natal depression, but at the time I didn't even know or even admit I had it myself because I thought there was no such thing as depression during pregnancy.

My house was a mess, I was a mess, I had no energy, I wasn't myself. I was really lucky that Mia was a pretty good sleeper. So the night time wasn't too bad before Obstetric Cholestasis started. I was 30 weeks pregnant and the last 10 weeks weren't good. I didn't enjoy the last 10 weeks at all. I would be sitting in my single seated sofa, watch Mia play and wonder how could I ever accept and love another baby? How could I ever share my love between two?

Now that above sounds like your typical pregnancy hormones. But it was more than that. I cried every day, my mood was awfully low, I just wanted to talk to someone but I didn't really have anyone I could talk too as I just thought they would say the usual things, such as "you'll be fine", "you got nothing to worry about" and the words "it's just your hormones". They are not what I wanted to hear. I was not fine. It was not just my hormones. I knew it was bit worse than that, but still it hadn't clicked to me that I was suffering from pre-natal depression.

From 34-35 weeks onwards I lost a lot of sleep due to the constant itch I was getting from OC. I couldn't settle in bed, I spent some nights sleeping on the sofa but that only lasted a few hours. Some nights I would try sleeping on the living room floor or even the bathroom floor, hoping I could settle somewhere for a good night sleep. But no. The itch was too much. I lose sleep but I still had to wake up to Mia the following morning.

Near the end of my pregnancy I stopped taking care of myself. I had no energy because I just felt so low in myself. I wasn't leaving the house much and I felt so alone. I cried myself to sleep, I cried when I woke up, I cried during the night, I cried during the day but once I was out, I put a brave face on as you do.

I was petrified that my partner was going to leave us after I gave birth to Elliw. I felt I was going to have the same thing happening to me just like what Mia's Dad did. All sorts went through my head. Too much. I was exhausted and so low.

I gained weight during my pregnancy and it was obvious because I was eating so much junk. I look back now and wonder, why did I do that? So silly, but it's done. I felt useless, hopeless, I felt as if I didn't deserve my daughter or my unborn daughter. I felt like my partner deserved more, a better and prettier girlfriend.

When I look back, I really do wish someone saw these signs and tried speaking to me. But nothing happened until roughly 6 months after I gave birth (story to come). Depression is horrible. I felt as if I was stuck and could never see a light at the end of the tunnel.

It took me a few weeks to decide whether I should publish this post, but I thought it may be good to get my story out there. In a few weeks time I will share my PND story.



  1. Oh gosh, what a brave thing to write about but thank you for sharing. I think it's important to get it out there so people know that pregnancy isn't just a rosy phase of being a Mum xx

  2. I'm so sorry your suffered this way. I am suffering badly at the moment with anxiety, worrying about the delivery of my second baby, rather than my ability to care for them when they arrive. I'm more concerned with how my body will recover, as the recovery from my first birth was dragged over 12 months. Thank you for sharing your story xx

  3. This is a brave post and a rarely talked about subject. Well done for speaking out x

  4. Well done for being brave to write about it. I'm sure others will be feeling the same and not know why. Your post might help. Hope you're okay xxx #twinklytuesday

  5. Thanks for sharing your story! I had obstetric cholostasis in pregnancy and it can make you feel miserable and super itchy! Well done for speaking about your experience. It may help a new mum! Angela from Daysinbed

  6. Sounds absolutely awful. I hope you're feeling better now and this helps anyone in the same boat x


  7. Thank you so much for sharing. I always think it is so important to share these stories, it may help others. I hope it felt therapeutic for you as well. #TwinklyTuesday

  8. It is so important to share these things. I definitely had depression during my last pregnancy and after but didn't seek help or admit to it as my husband suffers from severe depression and anxiety.

  9. Oh bless you hun and well done for getting through it and sharing your story. I'm sure that it will help someone else going through a similar experience and also it helps to write our feelings I find. x

  10. First off well done you for writing this, it is so good for other Mothers who have felt like that to read this. To understand that they are not alone and should talk to someone. When I was reading this I just wanted to give you a big hug xx


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