Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted kids of my own. I always wanted that 'family life'. Growing up with a single Dad was amazing, don't get me wrong but I always longed for that Mother and Father kind of family. But life never plans out like you want it too, does it? But I believe everything happens for a reason.
When I fell pregnant at the age of 16 with my first, I knew I wasn't going to give my first daughter the family I always wanted. Many of times I sat on my bed and just spoke to her whilst I was pregnant, I didn't stop saying sorry and I never stopped saying sorry to her until I met my current partner nearly 5 years ago. I was a single mother for so long and I went through pregnancy and nearly the first year of parenting by myself but with the help of my Dad. Mia's Dad didn't come on the scene until roughly 5-6 months after she was born. You can read the story here.
When I met my current partner, I fell pregnant pretty quickly. I was on the pill and missed a couple of days. So I fell pregnant whilst on the pill. It was unplanned, unexpected and shocking. But we coped. I was petrified that my partner was going to leave me, but he didn't. He stuck by my side and he is still here to this day. He was my rock through my pregnancy with Elliw. He was amazing and still is.
I always knew I wanted another baby. Before having children I always wanted four. But after having Elliw, it changed my mind. I didn't want another child for a good while even though I was extremely broody at times, I just didn't want another. I wanted to wait until both girls were full time school and I could work my a*se off to make my blog my full income. However, things didn't go to plan *again*. I am now 23 weeks pregnant with my third baby.
I did fall pregnant sooner than I thought as I had planned to wait atleast another year or two until having baby number 3. However, thinking about everything and having a chat with my partner, I do think this baby is coming at the right time. Baby is our last. I don't want anymore and my partner doesn't want anymore. It was such a hard decision for me but I am looking towards the future and I know I am making the right decision.
From my view and how my life has been so far, I have been a mother since the age of 17 (just turned). I never had that life with my friends, never had that teenage life, never had that life all my other friends have had. My life has been around my children and I would never ever change that. When Baby #3 turns 18 me and my partner will be only be 42 years old. Which I think is the perfect age to have grown up kids.
Me and my partner have thought about so much about what we are going to do and planning in the future. We are so excited. We are planning to travel a bit, go to Thailand a good few times a year the same as my partners parents. We are also looking at buying a camper and going travelling in that too. My partner will be taking over his Dad's business in a few years time so he will be his own boss and I will be working full time and have a career somewhere. There is so much more we are planning to do.
Although it is so sad that this will be the last time ever for me to carry a baby, grow a baby, feel a baby inside of me kick and move. There will be times in my life that I might want more and you never know maybe my partner will too and our whole life plan will have changed again. But highly doubt that will ever happen. We have our two beautiful girls and our little boy who will soon be here in a few months time. We couldn't of asked for a better life right now. We are just going to enjoy it and watch them all grow up and make some amazing memories.
Have you made a decision of not having anymore babies?