My Third and Last Pregnancy - My Thoughts and Feelings
Saturday, 22 October 2016
It was roughly this time last year when I fell pregnant but little did I know that I had started growing a little human inside of me. I remember taking so many pregnancy tests and taking some on the sly without my partner knowing because he would have thought I was nuts taking so many. I was just confused to why my period was so late, and every test I had was negative. I had booked a doctors appointment and even the blood test there was negative. I was told to wait at least a week, a long week that was.
I had made an appointment at the doctors roughly a week later and the next date available was the following Monday. That Monday morning, I just had a fluttery feeling in my stomach. Something was telling me to get one last test. My body was telling me that I was pregnant. I have no idea how but something was. I bought a test on my way to pick Mia up from school. The school run felt like forever. I just wanted to go home and do the test. I made sure I drank a lot before going on the school run so I could do the test once I arrived home.
When I did the test, I put it aside and didn't think much of it. I think it was because I had so many other tests that came out negative, I thought this one would be the same, and my head and body were just getting paranoid. I looked at the test, and there were two lines. Two clear red lines. My hands were shaking, tears came to my eyes. I was right; I was pregnant. I was in utter shock. I message my closest friend and she came over with another test for me, again, positive. It just didn't feel real. My instincts were right.
I wasn't quite sure how to tell my partner, so I left the test on top of the fridge and went upstairs. When my partner arrived home, I text him to check on top of the fridge. That's how he found out. I just got too nervous to tell him face to face. After a long chat, we decided to phone up some close family members to let them know the news. Let's just say; they were shocked but happy.
The weeks were going by until I started to have some sharp stretching pains. I had a few cramps which I was worried about; luckily I had a doctors appointment, and I explained to her what the pains were. She told me that there is always a risk of miscarriage in early pregnancy and because I was under 12 weeks, the risk was higher. Of course, this made me nervous as hell. I just felt completely numb. She wanted to take some blood test to check that my hormone levels were rising as they should be. It took nearly two weeks to confirm that they were ok. I had about 2 or 3 blood tests if I remember rightly, as she wasn't happy it wasn't much higher. Those couple of weeks were tough and so stressful.
Going for that first scan I was full of nerves, I was scared, I was shaking. I had tears and just thinking the worst. Luckily, all was good. I was so relieved that my baby was growing fine. We were asked to go back in a fortnight to do another scan because the baby was ten weeks instead of 12 weeks. I decided to announce my pregnancy at ten weeks after my first scan. It was the perfect Christmas present and the perfect start to a new year.
As the weeks were passing by, I just knew I was going to have to visit the hospital weekly or fortnightly at some point. My liver hates me being pregnant and I have a liver disorder called Obstetric Cholestasis/ICP when I am pregnant which can be dangerous for baby is left untreated. At 17 weeks it was confirmed I had it. From 17 weeks up until 29 weeks, I went to visit my local midwife once a week for a blood test to make sure my liver functions was ok. From 29 weeks onwards up until I gave birth, I was in the hospital twice a week, sometimes three times a week if I had an extra scan or consultant appointment. It was exhausting, but it was a part of my pregnancy.
Last week my partner, the kids and I decided to go out one evening, and my partner took us to the hospital to have food (their food is lovely and cheap!). The girls got well excited. The last time I had been in the hospital was when I gave birth to Freddie, my last baby. My sweet baby boy. It was a strange feeling walking down the corridors to the canteen as the last time I walked towards the canteen. Freddie was inside of me and this time he was tucked up in his KIDDYUK car seat, sleeping.
I must have been exhausted because I got pretty emotional. Memories of all my pregnancies came running back and just knowing I will never have that experience again does sadden me, but I know it's the right decision to make. The thought of never having that feeling of excitement of meeting a new baby, first kick feeling, excitement for scans and so on, gets me quite emotional but I am hoping it'll pass. We have planned our future, and we would love to do a bit of traveling once all kids have grown up. Me and my partner are looking forward to that part of our lives, but of course, for now, we are enjoying our lives as a family.