Posted by Sunday, 10 September 2017

MY FIRST BORN, THE ONE WHO MADE ME A MUM


Dear Mia,

The moment I found out I was pregnant with you was the most terrifying moment of my life. I will never be scared to admit that I was absolutely petrified. But, the thing I knew from the moment I saw that second line on the test was, that I was going to keep you. No one and nothing was changing my mind. Being pregnant at sixteen was scary. I was still in college studying my childcare course in the hope of going into a job after the summer holidays. Of course, that didn't go to plan seeing that you were due in December. I did finish my course though and I finished it with a pass - not the best mark but I've got my qualifications.

Those first few months were hard. Really hard. Knowing I was going into parenthood on my own was hard to believe. I was full of guilt as I knew I was going to have to bring you into this world into a single parent family. I blamed myself - although now I know I had nothing to blame myself for. My Dad, your Taid was absolutely amazing through the pregnancy with you. He was the one who stuck by me through everything, financially and just being there for me (and you). He was the one who held my hand through both scans, as well as the 10+ hours labour and birth. I remember many of times, holding my bump and in tears saying sorry to you. It was hard, but I got through it.

The moment I held you in my arms was the most amazing feeling ever. No words can describe how I felt and how much love I felt for you. Again, it was super scary going through it alone. My Dad, your Taid was allowed two weeks off work which really helped as I didn't feel too alone but after that, it was just you and me. I treasure those first few months of your life that it was just you and me before you started seeing your Dad. I had all those extra cuddles, kisses and memories with you. I saw your first smile, crawl, step and heard your first giggle, laugh and word. 



Growing up you were such an amazing little girl. Being a young Mum meant I did have to mature a lot compared to my friends. However, the friends I had at the time when I was pregnant with you (and before), I pretty much lost them. Contact was lost and I only had a couple of friends. Now, it's all different. But I changed my life, I did a lot of things differently. When you started to go to your Dad's every other weekend for the night, that was the time I went to see my friends or go out. However, I honestly preferred my time with you. 

Watching you grow and being a part of it all was amazing. We then met my partner, your now step-dad. We waited a few months before introducing him to you. You were a bit wary at first but my god, you two bonded so much and so quickly. He was absolutely amazing with you and still is. He didn't have to take us both on, but he did. He really is amazing. We moved into our first home and your bond with him just grew and grew each day. I loved how close you both were. You would both sit on the sofa having lots of cuddles watching tv. 

Then you were a big sister. You were still young, just 3 months after your second birthday your first little sister was born. It took you a little while to get used to her but the bond grew stronger. Every single morning, without fail, you came into our bedroom to stroke your baby sisters head and put a dummy in her mouth. It was so sweet watching you be so caring with her. A few months again, you had another sister, your Dad and his partner had a baby. You're great with her too. You really are a fab sister. 


Now you have a little brother too. The bond between you both is so strong. He looks up to you so much. He laughs with you, has cuddles with you, climbs on top of you and has so much fun with you. Mind you, both your little sister and brother adore you so much. Although you and your sister can fight and argue like cat and dogs, there is a strong caring bond between you both.

I feel so lucky that I've been able to see and be a part of all your 'firsts'. Taking you to school each morning, seeing you start a brand new year each September. You're now in Year 3 and that morning of you starting your new year, you were so worried. The first thing you told me was; "I'm scared going to Year 3". You told me that you were worried incase you got math questions wrong. I had to reassure you most of the morning that all you have to do, is try your best. 

You're such an amazing little girl. You're caring, loving and so hilarious (everyone else says so too!) I am really proud of the person you are becoming (but you can tone the attitude down a little, please.) I see myself in you so much. The love for stationery, writing and music. Exactly how I was when I was little. It's scary sometimes but also so lovely that you have the same interests as me. 

You are making me proud. 

I thank you for being amazing and making me the person I am today, a Mum. 

If it wasn't for you, my life wouldn't be how it is today.

You will smash Year 3, just like every other year.

Mama loves you so much, Mia.

Lots of Love

Mam 

x








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