Dear Siblings | Open Letter

This is a bit personal, but something I want to let out. Something I hope my brothers and sister will read one day when they are old enough to understand. To understand that I don't choose to go months and years without seeing them. To understand that I will be there whenever they need me. To understand that I love them all too bits. I am the eldest of 6 children. 5 brothers and 1 sister. I only see 2 often. It hurts me so much that I don't see the others.

Dear Connor, Alex, Elize and Corey.

I want you to know that I did not choose to go months and years without seeing you. I love you all too pieces. As you probably will guess {once you are old enough to understand} that I don't have a great relationship with Mam. If you want to know why then I will tell you the honest truth but only when I think you're old enough to understand properly.

{Ignore my face ha ha! Taken in 2010}
Connor, you chose to live with your Dad since you were roughly 7 years old. From then onwards I've not seen you that much. You lived 1-2 hours away from me. It was pretty hard to come and see you. My Dad came to pick you up a few times but as we got older we had our own lives to live. I've got my own house, my partner works all week {full time} and works weekend nights too so it's pretty hard to come and see you. Although I hope you know that I am there for you whenever you need or want me. I think you choosing to live with your Dad was the best decision you have ever made. I honestly do. I saw a difference in your behaviour. And don't worry that you haven't seen Mam in years, it's her loss. You've saved yourself a lot of heartache and pain. I wish I was as strong and brave as you.

Elize. Your my only sister. I always wanted a sister. I wanted someone I can share clothes with, go shopping with and go out for lunch. Obviously it hasn't turned out like that because I lived with my Dad and you still live with Mam. I hope once you're older that you will want to come out with me. So I can treat you on some shopping and treat you for a cup of tea and lunch. Things sisters do! I know I can go see you and Alex through your Dad but I find it a little awkward because your Dad needs time with you when he has you too so it won't be fair for me to go take you everytime. You probably know by now I don't have a great relationship with Mam but again, I hope you will listen and fully understand my side of the story {the truth} when you are old enough.

Alex. You're such a funny little boy. I miss your cheeky smile and laughter. It's so hard not seeing you Connor, Elize and Corey. It really is. I love you all so much. It breaks my heart that I cant see you as often as i'd like. Again, I hope one day you will want to know why I haven't seen you for such a long time. I just can't face Mam after all she has put me through. One day! We will be in contact all the time.

Corey. I remember holding you when you were new born. We were allowed to visit you in neonatal care. You were so tiny. There is such a huge age gap between me and you. I find it such a shame I can't go through anyone to see you. I honestly probably wouldn't be able to recognise you if I saw you now. I am sure you have changed so much Corey. I miss you so damn much. It breaks my heart that you may not even recognise me either if you saw me. You may not even know that I am your big sister.

Please understand I did not choose not see you all. There is a lot of reasons on why it's been this way. I can tell you all the truth if you want to, once you are older. I am going to try my best to keep in contact with you all. I can't wait until you are all old enough and I can meet up with you all and spend quality time together. We all miss you so damn much! Love you all so much. X

{Corey and me, in hospital. 2010}

{ Connor and Elliw }


  1. Love and hugs sweety. Families can be so complicated sometimes xxx

  2. Oh bless you what a lovely letter to your siblings. I have a huge mixed family and lots of siblings myself and while I am really close to almost all of them now we did have long periods of our lives apart but we all came together in the end. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme


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